OOPS

dear blog...my darling pseudo-child,

i'm sorry to admit this, but it has to be done. i pretty much forgot about your existence altogether for a while there. apparently i'm a terrible mother. i fear for the fate of my real future children.

oh dear blog, someday (hopefully sort of soonish) i will update you. i just don't have the motivation to do so right now. don't worry, you can tell i love you a ton. now excuse me while i discuss the school band playing outside my window and the exorbitantly exorbitant price of textbooks and other related college nonsense with my newly returned roommate.

CHE GIOIA!!!!!

I FREAKIN LOVE MY FAMILY! yes, it's true. i've never realized it like i've begun to now. being away from them, especially as they're all growing up and i want to be a part of that experience, has really given me some perspective on the matter.

in one short hour i will be reunited with my beloved parents and dear mischievous brother, who is entering the mtc for his fijian mission in two days (hence the short utah vacation). and in case you couldn't tell, i'm so incredibly excited to see them! we've got plans to eat at places that reach beyond my collegiate budget, see some sights that require the car i don't have, and visit some friends that we haven't seen for a couple years. basically, this is the highlight of my summer thus far and by far.

really, i love my family so much. each member of it has become worthy of the title "best friend". we've got each others' backs, and are all deeply invested in each others' lives and personal success.

it's the most marvelous feeling to rely on a group of people so entirely, without a shadow of a doubt. ever.
family, this post goes out to you. i love you the most! (even though you try to hijack my bed when i'm not there.)








just remember, whatever terrible thing is happening, you've always got nine other people around to back you up.

A day well spent

today i saw some of my friends. we had a lot of new laughs.

i went running for longer than i have in quite a while. i felt strong.

i listened to some angry rock music while i ran. it helped me vent.

i thought deeply about some stuff. i feel ready for a new day now.

then i walked home through a fresh summer rain. it was beautiful.

i should try to have more days like this one.

I've made a decision

that life is too short. if you're having a problem, just tell yourself that and somehow it makes everything a little easier. it's like magic.

there are things i want, but the universe doesn't seem to understand that, and i can't change it. i'll just accept it and try to have a good time despite my disappointment.

Cupcakes make my heart happy.

i have seen the chief cupcake maker of the universe, and her name is sister canfield. they quickly climbed to at least the top 5 section of the most incredible things i've ever eaten. and that's on looks alone. my favorite: funfetti + white chocolate + reese's peanut butter cup + frosting + 2 dumdums + 2 melon-o's = 1 cupcake. i love it!

let me just put this out there - break the fast can be such a bliss. it helps start my week out right.

p.s. i have in fact realized my recent attention to my lovely baby blog. i don't really know why that is. maybe it's because my roommate is gone and i want someone/thing to ramble pointlessly to. good thing these blogs don't have rules and protocol to follow. i can be as sporadic as i want!

why yes, i'd love some cheesy motivation. thank you for asking.

"Remember always that, when you shine, the entire world grows a little brighter."

thank you suspiciously hallmark-ish card. sometimes all it takes is a random little thing you meant to throw away months ago turning up to make you feel like your existence might actually have a purpose.

"There could be no greater light in the world than a person living life to the fullest."

don't you just love the random motivational stuff you can find in the dark corners of your room?

i'll never be done learning.

i am not progressing.

my days are consumed in a never-ending cycle of monotony. it's great to have a routine, but this is more than that. i never push myself to learn more, to experience more with every sense i possess, to become more. what's the point of my existence? i find myself taking up valuable space and finite resources so that i can pretend to make a non-existent mark on the face of humanity.

sometimes i catch myself in moments of contemplation on what i want to teach my future children. i don't know when or if i'll ever get the chance, but i like to think i'm preparing myself for that great adventure. but i digress. one of the most important things i will teach them is to always progress, learn, grow. life isn't fulfilling enough without that progression, plus it's one of the purposes of life in general. why waste such a choice opportunity?

so, new goal. yay! i will succeed every day in pushing my limits to learn new things. i will learn more in school, grow spiritually, and discover more about myself and the world around me.

pleasantly tragic satisfation, anyone?

can we please take a moment to reflect on the complete loveliness of a well formed bruise? seriously, they're fun to show off and impress people with and even the ones that look sick, in all senses of the word, are just so cool. sometimes you even get weird shapes and blotches to look at. ready...go!

...reflecting...so great...

ok, good job everyone. now, on to the nitty gritty. am i the only one who has those moments/days when you just want to cry? and no, i don't mean "i am emo and slit my wrists. pity me!" cry. don't get confused now. i mean when you just want to feel something so strongly that you at least feel vaguely close to tears. i must admit that i'm one of those girls who just doesn't really cry about much, so don't hold your breath waiting to see it.
maybe what i really want is just a dramatic change from that monotonous everyday thing i like to call life. i am, after all, a theatre kid! don't you dare challenge my spelling of the word "theatre". you will be wrong and you will lose. my point is that i love to feel my emotions fully, and i think that sadness, longing and all those other emotions associated with crying are among the strongest and most easily recognizable/produced.

so if you will all excuse me, let the tragedies begin!

Reading...

...is not something that i'm constantly doing, but when i do read i sort of get obsessed. having just finished a good series of books, i'm beginning to realize that the way i read is probably not very healthy overall. i can't allow myself to start any book or series until i'm sure that i have a large block of time that i can give up, because once i start it's pretty close to impossible for me to stop until i finish the story. i just have to know what happens! i'll stay up all night without any effort, forgo most food, and basically shut out the entire non-fictional world. fortunately for me i had a homework-free week to work with. upon emerging from my room this morning after finishing my book, my roommates all told me they hadn't seen me at all this week and hoped i was finally returning to them. i hadn't realized how long it had been or that they had noticed.

i can handle all of that. what i have trouble with is returning back to reality and leaving behind the world i had inhabited and grown to deeply care about for hours on end at least. if you haven't figured it out, i get really involved in the books i read. needless to say, a good summary is never enough to pacify me. i love the world that is created in my mind and the characters in it, and i wish more than anything that it was real and that i could share in their adventures. unfortunately, reading about them is all i can do, and it's just plain unfair when they abruptly end, abandoning me to my own average life. i'm at that point right now. i find myself thinking of everything i'm doing with my life and wondering "why". what's the point of going to school and work? it's not as awesome as that world i just stepped out of. it felt so good being a part of that other amazing world of the written word, and now i'm like a lost and forlorn little child who's been taken from the best place ever and plopped in unfamiliar and much less desirable circumstances, confused and unsure of what to do with herself. maybe i should go make some chow. food always makes me feel a little better.

"life...is like a grapefruit. it's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half of one for breakfast." i have no clue where that quote came from, but i like it a lot.

what is life? don't ask me, i have no idea. every time i think i've got it figured out, it come up with some new way to blow that idea out of the water. sometimes in all of my figurings i find it useful to stop and ask myself what it is i need to change and do better. i've heard it said that if you keep doing what you've been doing, you'll keep getting what you've been getting. well, life is the perfect evidence of that. too easily and much too often i get into habits and stop trying to make things happen. why not? it's comfortable. i'll tell you why not - because it's monotonous and you will want to kill yourself sooner or later just to get out of it. but wait! there's another way out! just change stuff. make yourself grow and experience new things. if you're looking for a good time to do such things, let me give you an excellent hint. wait until the week between finals and the start of spring/summer term, when you have absolutely nothing to prep for. then wait for your roommates and friends to leave for various vacations and family events that always mark that special time of freedom. after the first 36-48 hrs., when you begin going crazy but before the mark of total insanity, is when you begin the assault on your life. if you can't tell, i write from experience. experience concurrent with this post, actually. as i sit eating my wheat thins and preaching to a nonexistent audience, i wish you the best of luck with your own figurings of your own life.

- "a little while"...what does it mean?! it's probably the most usefully ambiguous time frame i have ever come across. try it yourself. you can't go wrong.

- to anyone with their own room, never take it for granted! i may or may not be looking forward to having a room to myself for the first time in three years. all summer long! who's going to be doing crazy things that only people with their own rooms do? not you punks with roommates, that's for sure! haha, suckas!!

- everyone should become acquainted with this website. specifically the lord of the rings and twilight videos, but they're all stupendous.

ok, è finito.