Don't fall for the greener grass - it's probably astroturf.

i've been having some major motivation issues. in high school i got that horrible thing called senioritis, which improved slightly during my freshman year of college, but it's just been getting steadily worse over the past couple years. no matter what happens or what i do, i can't make myself become motivated anymore. then i read this poem for my italian class called "Il Destino Degli Uomini". I'll just give you the translation of said poem.

The Destiny of Men

And I said to the river: "Let me pass!"
Responded the river "and to go where?
Also there are men and women... The ox
moos equally and the mosquitoes sting.

What do you hope?... The same water, sweet, love,
along my other bank! And days of rains
and beauty. And the same air moves
the fabulous forest that you like."

Always on the other bank the well that you crave,
man; the well lost or in vain awaited.
I, cold, in the middle, between the dreaming and the dreams...

Always, suspended high above your head
is your fate, if you go, if you stay. For every
street, drag, always, your weight."


here's the thing. i know why i'm here, doing what i'm doing. i can't exactly tell the future, but i do know that a college education will be beneficial. now begs the question, "why can't i just get it done?!?" why do i have to put everything off and act like it doesn't matter, even though it does? i think it's partially the whole instant gratification thing they talk about in church sometimes, but it also has to do with that poem. i always think that i can just put off anything difficult, which is terrible because it always come back to bite me in the end. i never want to deal with it, because i know i'll be so much happier just not doing it. (oh how little i actually know.) yeah, my ideal future with the well-earned degree of a hard working, dedicated student sounds good, but i could be okay if i could squeak by with something just a little less. seriously? my life's not getting any better that way, not even right now. why do i make things worse for myself?!? so, learn from me and my terrible habits and stay motivated. remember what you're in it for and don't let go of that. you never know, maybe someday i'll be working for you. until that day, let's hope i can clean up my act a little.

Non-epically un-epic

- I've heard a lot of people using the word "epic" lately. Even I have fallen into the habit, describing most of the little adventures I have (as adventurous as you can get in Provo) as epic. Then I realized something as I sat through a lecture on ancient Greek theatre and its origins in the epic poem - I never really knew what I was saying when I said "That was so epic!" Sadly, I had become one of those poor fools spouting out whatever word came to mind when the moment seemed to call for it. I would say I've been making a fool of myself, but let's be honest here. How many other people use the word "epic" in the wrong context just like me and my naïve self? I'm making the assumption that it's a pretty big number. Ok, so here's the real definition of epic - "noting or pertaining to a long poetic composition, usually centered upon a hero, in which a series of great achievements or events is narrated in elevated style: Homer's Iliad is an epic poem." So basically, I consistently compare my life to a really long poem, with a story similar to that of Luke Skywalker's, or maybe Simba's if that's more your thing. I'm pretty sure that's false advertisement right there.

- Alright, now I have to speak my piece. Do you ever get bothered by how bothered other people are? I do, and I probably bother them too. Whatever. Today is Valentine's day. I've been getting a lot of explanations about how much everyone hates V-day; how terribly annoying and hypocritical it is to have a holiday to celebrate love. Like Christmas haters, although those are fewer in number, it's a travesty that we don't show our love for anyone 364 days a year, and go overboard for just one day. Now stop for a second. Isn't love a good thing? I don't mean the sappy, immature and superficial relationship between you and your first boyfriend/girlfriend. Let's think about your family and friends too. Don't you love them? Why shouldn't that love be celebrated? I do think that anyone cold enough to ignore someone for the whole year and buy them a rose just for Valentine's day should be drop kicked, but I don't see anything wrong with some extra reveling in your relationships with your loved ones for one day. I, dare I say it, even like it. It's fun coming up with cheesy cards to express how you feel for someone, sort of like a birthday card, and it feels absolutely fabulous to do something extra sweet and thoughtful that you just can't do every day of the year. I'm not saying that you have to get stressed and go all out for your significant other like everyone apparently assumes Valentine's day is meant for, but I see no point in boycotting anything that celebrates something good. On the more superficial side of things, does anyone else get as much candy as I do? Chocolate is one of the beauties of this world, and who am I to deny a holiday in which people hand it out freely?