Don't fall for the greener grass - it's probably astroturf.

i've been having some major motivation issues. in high school i got that horrible thing called senioritis, which improved slightly during my freshman year of college, but it's just been getting steadily worse over the past couple years. no matter what happens or what i do, i can't make myself become motivated anymore. then i read this poem for my italian class called "Il Destino Degli Uomini". I'll just give you the translation of said poem.

The Destiny of Men

And I said to the river: "Let me pass!"
Responded the river "and to go where?
Also there are men and women... The ox
moos equally and the mosquitoes sting.

What do you hope?... The same water, sweet, love,
along my other bank! And days of rains
and beauty. And the same air moves
the fabulous forest that you like."

Always on the other bank the well that you crave,
man; the well lost or in vain awaited.
I, cold, in the middle, between the dreaming and the dreams...

Always, suspended high above your head
is your fate, if you go, if you stay. For every
street, drag, always, your weight."


here's the thing. i know why i'm here, doing what i'm doing. i can't exactly tell the future, but i do know that a college education will be beneficial. now begs the question, "why can't i just get it done?!?" why do i have to put everything off and act like it doesn't matter, even though it does? i think it's partially the whole instant gratification thing they talk about in church sometimes, but it also has to do with that poem. i always think that i can just put off anything difficult, which is terrible because it always come back to bite me in the end. i never want to deal with it, because i know i'll be so much happier just not doing it. (oh how little i actually know.) yeah, my ideal future with the well-earned degree of a hard working, dedicated student sounds good, but i could be okay if i could squeak by with something just a little less. seriously? my life's not getting any better that way, not even right now. why do i make things worse for myself?!? so, learn from me and my terrible habits and stay motivated. remember what you're in it for and don't let go of that. you never know, maybe someday i'll be working for you. until that day, let's hope i can clean up my act a little.