have you ever had one of those surreal days? one that makes you think "could this really be happening?" i'm sure you have. they can be pretty special. the problem, though, is that sometimes they're not surreal on the good side of life. sometimes those days are above and beyond reality on the dark, cold, frightening side. it's days like that and the terrifying moments within them that shake you; make you question the faith and love of yourself and everyone around you. why do terrible things happen to innocent people? why can't someone stop it when it needs stopping the most? does the good really outweigh the bad? is it even worth it to try anymore? i don't have the answers to all of these questions, and the ones i do have aren't necessarily satisfying. but i do know that it is worth it to try. i know that no matter what happens, there will be a happy ending for those who are strong and never give up, even if it isn't in this life.
maybe the most important thing is to love. let me clarify, as i have flash backs to this post. i'm not talking about dating and your average weird romantic relationships. i mean family - both immediate and the best of friends. nobody can know you better than they can, and they will love you unconditionally. they will be there for you no matter what. on the flip side, you have to be there for them. it's terrifying to me to imagine not having my family to rely on, and i could never put any of them through that.
what's really sad is that sometimes things happen and i don't know how to talk about it. i don't trust myself to approach the subject with anyone for one reason or another. part of me is stubborn and prideful, skillfully suppressing any indication of tragedy while another part of me strives desperately to be heard. i wish i was better at this. i wish i could let out everything i have. i wish i was strong enough to be weak. too bad no one will read this half-hearted attempt at crying out.
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